the girl
20, attached, smiley smiley smiley.

your tagboard here.
just keep it thin.

layout: detonatedlove

links.
Sou. Suen. Patricia. Irene. Wanyi. Wei Chao. Jessie. Barron. Ru xin. Deni.

it was all enough for everything to break down.

i am over him le, but there is still a lingering sense of sadness that remained behind, simply because i wanted to give out so much, and thought he was doing so too.

ends up. nothing was ever true as i saw it to be.

disillusionment was never pretty.

but i dont hate him. i dont want to. i dont see the need to.

guess it is cause i never loved him. just cared alot for him. he was a good, very very good close friend. if only idealised images stay the same. but lets stop living in denial.

whats over is over.

he wasnt what i thought he was. honeyed words, fake promises. i was never more to him than a girlfriend. not someone he truly loved, but just a girlfriend. an object. its sad to think that way.

just a substitute for her. i think, he never grew up. i guess i am sad and angry too that i, as a genuine person he has met before, was in contact with, was not enough to compete with a person he never saw in person.

i was never enough for him. and in some way and more.

i am happy now. i daresay happier. it is a load off my shoulders. but when i stop sometimes, the thoughts just catch up with me. and it is hard to break out of that bubble.

there are scars left behind. but like sou said. those are scars that were self-inflicted. but no matter self-inflicted or not, i need time to get over it.

i am glad for sou. for her consuelling.

ah pek for his no nonsense advice and long talks over lunch.

suen for being there and for getting angry on my behalf.

my beloved tako and ling, both steadfast good friends.

kimmy, for his sudden outburst against him.

another ling, for her little ways of showing concern for this errant friend.

chao. who started treating me better suddenly LOL.

wilson, for being my listening ear and cheering me up.

and so many more. so much more.

even to glen. you were the one whom i thought i could reach the rainbow with. whom i thought was someone i could depend on. even when all that crashed down. thank you for making me grow up .

i hope. you would be truer to whoever you choose to be with in the future. it is killing me to say this sentence. because i am still trying to step out of the shadows.

if i cant get over myself, no one else can help me.

because in the end. the only person i can count on to help me. is only me and me alone.

I am disillusioned by the never ending rainbow. Where is my pot of gold?!